Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
