if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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