dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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