i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
