Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
