I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i will never coherently bang her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
