i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
