FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
