you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
