respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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