he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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