Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
