are you still at the devil's house?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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