you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
