he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
