I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
