And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
