grandma shit on top of the toilet
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
