i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
