hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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