Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
