No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize