He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
