I'm drive I can fine osifer
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
