you guys were way drunker than both of me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
