sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
