I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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