Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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