your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
