Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
