what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
