I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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