I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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