i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
