u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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