FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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