forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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