Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
