Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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