Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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