some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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