a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
