Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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