apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
