i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
