My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
