I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
