i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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