4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
