The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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