It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
