I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
