If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
