he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do herpes really smell.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
