Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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